I kissed my boyfriend this morning and realized that I was not in love with him and haven’t been for a while.
I left to the kitchen immediately to hide the shock on my face, I spent time wondering when it happened till hot oil splashed on me.
I needed to get out of the relationship before hurting him.
I couldn’t figure out what happened, Was it when he refused to cook some weeks back when I was sick, I know I was really angry at him then but we made up.

I need to leave, but how? My whole life is with him. My future is with him. How do I tell him I am as heart broken as he would be when I leave?, if I leave. we were going to have three kids, The first would be named ‘Ato Ima-nyin’ born from our love. What could be greater than love?

My friends and family never loved him, I never saw why, I still can not. I wish I did so I would have a reason to leave.

Do I start packing now and leave during the weekend?, No I would never be able to leave. How do we split the finances after I leave?

I made my decision.

I took the burnt plaintain to the dinning table, sat for a bit. Got up, picked a pen and one of those fancy papers he keeps in his study. I wrote

“Unwana,

It’s been five years , I am not sure if its been filled with good memories or even bad ones, its just memories. I have thought of a million ways to write this or even say it but none has a good ending. We can no longer eat ice cream together at Bricks cold food, plan our meals together or do anything together because i need to leave . I know I said I loved you last night before we went to bed, it seems I lied. It was not intentional. we have been sayng we love each other at bedtime for so long it has become a routine , I did not notice I didn’t mean it anymore. Somehow I hop you don’t mean it too, it would make me feel lighter but I saw how your face lit up when we kissed this morning, the same way it always has been for years. I need to leave cause my face does not light up the same way, cause you should be with someone whose face lights up like yours. We should communicate through our family after this cause I need space to grieve the loss of our relationship I know I am the one ending it, please do not try to fix things. This might not be reasons enough for you but the important reason is I want to leave, you do not chase people who choose to leave. Finally, I do love you. Not in the way I should, but I do.”

I am leaving without anything. I do not feel any form of regret. just that i have made better plantains. I Hope I never regret this.